All about anal play

Screen Shot 2020-04-23 at 11.53.03 AM
Image by Arvida Byström

Have you ever been curious about anal play? In this post, we’ll be looking into what is anal play about and tips about comfort and safety.

What is anal play?

It’s a sexual act where the anus is stimulated either through touch, licks, fingering, penetration and more.

* For the purpose of this post, we will focus on anal penetration.

How does it feel like? From a receiver’s point of view.

For first timers or those who lack experience in the department, you might experience an array of emotions and feelings. From discomfort to sharp pain, confusion to fear.

Questions or statements like:

  • “I feel like pooping.”
  • “Have a pooped?”
  • “Wait no, I might need to poop.”
  • “What if there’s shit on their penis/finger/dildo?”
  • “What if I fart?”

Understand that all these emotions and thoughts are completely normal. In fact, it happens to EVERYONE, so trust that you’re not alone.

How can we overcome all these feelings and thoughts?

  1. Relax – If you’re not relaxed, your muscles will be tensed and it will be hard (and painful) for penetration to happen. Do more foreplay if it helps you to relax or extra washing just in case you’re worried about poop.
  2. Start slow, start small – There is no rush. You don’t have to go straight to using the penis or toys. Start small. Start fingering with the pinky finger first before working up to the thumb. Once the receiver is comfortable (it could take a few sessions), then you can opt for butt plugs and eventually a penis, dildo or strap-on.
  3. Breathe – Never forget to breathe. It helps the body to be calm and relaxed. For the receiver, make sure you tell your partner if you want them to go slow or if there is pain. For the giver, make sure to ask your partner if they’re feeling okay – if the speed and pressure is okay.
  4. Lube up! – Different from the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate. So it is dry af. Before any fingering or penetration, make sure you’re all lubed up so that the toy/penis/ finger can slide in easily and causes less friction.

Now that you know the key to overcoming the initial fear, here are some tips and expectations to enhance the experience!

Tips for anal play

Never go from anus to vagina
This is the main rule of anal sex. The anus has a lot of bacterias. While it is normal and safe for bacteria to be in the anus, it is however not safe if it ends up anywhere else – like the vagina for example.

If bacteria are found in the vagina, it can cause a variety of infections including bacterial vaginosis, yeast infection, UTI, or complications of all of those things.

So it’s super important to make sure that the penis, finger, or objects that have entered your anus is thoroughly washed with mild soap. If you’re using a condom in the anus, then remove the condom and apply a fresh one before vaginal penetration. Or opt for other forms of sex first then end it anally.

Everybody must agree to it
Consent is important with any other sexual act. If anal sex is not your thing and you (or other people) force you to do it, you’ll have a shit experience. Literally!

Expect poop and/or smells
Although it rarely happens, don’t be surprised if it’s there. Hey, if you’re going to play in that region, expect them to appear. That’s where they live!

Always use lube
Whether it be fingering, sex toys, strap-on, or penis, ALWAYS USE LUBE.

Anal sex prevents unwanted pregnancies
Yes, this is correct. However, it does not mean that one is protected from sexually transmitted infections (STI). Condoms are the only way to prevent STIs.

Positions matter
To ensure that your body (as receiver) is relaxed, choose positions that don’t tense the muscle up. I.e., lying on your belly or side or missionary. If you’re doing doggy, then instead of facing down, curve your body up and face upwards to relax the muscles. Once you’re comfortable with anal sex, you can play with different positions.

It’s not for everybody!
It’s a known fact that anal sex is not for everyone. If it is not your (or their) thing, then don’t do it. Why don’t experiment with other fun, taboo, and sexy things instead?

Hope these tips and tricks help! Or at least, fulfill that curious mind.

(Source: Healthline, Cosmopolitan, Refinery29)

Published by Jasmine

Sex Positive Advocate from Malaysia. Follow @jasexplains.

One thought on “All about anal play

  1. The positions certainly do matter. I’m not the biggest fan of anal, although I do it from time-to-time. I always thought that anal could really only be done doggystyle, though, and that held me back for years and made it more uncomfortable. I’ve found that, especially when penetrating for the first time that night, it’s FAR better if I’m lying on my back with my legs up.


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