Sex glossary: Stealthing

Image credit: Charles Deluvio/Unsplash

In 2019, there was an article about a Malaysian woman lodging a police report against a man after he removed his condom during sexual intercourse. The act of removing a condom during sex without consent is a form of sexual assault known as “stealthing”.

To be honest, whether it’s condom removal before or during sex, poking the condom, or purposely destroying the condom through rough sex and saying “oh sorry it was an accident” without any remorse or worry, these are all acts of stealthing. If you have given consent with specific rules (I.e., “I will have sex with you but only with a condom on”) and they agreed but later break that trust, the consent given is not legitimate and therefore the sexual act should be considered r*pe or sexual assault.

This isn’t right.

Stealthing can constitute rape in the eyes of the law. Under Section 375(b) of the Penal Code, sexual intercourse without consent constitutes rape. 

‘Stealthing is sexual assault’ ~ The Star letter

So please, take care of yourselves. Know what is right and wrong. Always trust in your gut, if it tells you something is not right then leave. No point being nice to somebody who doesn’t respect you nor cares. To the givers, don’t take advantage of someone for your own selfish gain, especially if they are obviously uncomfortable and being put on the spot to say yes.

Bahasa Malaysia translation

Apa itu stealthing?

Tidak kiralah cabut kondom sebelum atau semasa seks, tebuk lubang atau sengaja merosakkan kondom dengan seks ganas tapi kata “oh sorry, saya tidak sengaja” tanpa panik atau rasa bersalah, semua ni adalah ‘stealthing’. Kalau kita sudah bersetuju dan memberi kerelaan melakukan seks tetapi dengan syarat tertentu (contoh: “ok, kita boleh buat seks tapi dengan syarat, pakai kondom”) dan mereka pecahkan amanah tu, kerelaan yang diberikan tu sudah tidak sah – maka ia patut dianggap sebagai r*gol atau gangguan seksual.

Ini tidak betul.

So please, take care of yourselves. Tahu apa yang betul dan salah. Percayalah naluri anda, kalau ada yang tidak betul, leave. Tiada masa untuk berbaik dengan orang yang tidak hormat atau peduli kita. Dan si pemberi, janganlah ambil kesempatan untuk kepuasaan kamu seorang, walaupun kamu tau yang si penerima tidak selesa dan rasa dipaksa cakap ya. Not cool.

Published by Jasmine

Sex Positive Advocate from Malaysia. Follow @jasexplains.

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